![]() The single most impactful detractor from a successful relationship where there is the triumvirate with ADHD is not recognising that ADHD is involved. Douglas Snyder, a renowned couple’s therapy expert states that “ADHD presents a critical destabilising influence on couple relationships that has, heretofore, been largely understudied and under-treated.” So, let’s change that. Treatment for your partner’s ADHD is aimed at making them easier to love, that’s all.” This is generally met with tears, agreement and a commitment to have ‘hope’. I also use a phrase with couples when talking about treatment for ADHD that goes something like this: “You fell in love for some very valid reasons. Our job is to seek to help, tolerate difference as much as possible and as much as we can understand the lack of choice and manage the fact that the ADHD partner, the protagonist, the grump, is the loving caring person we saw originally. In seminars and when delivering coaching I am frequently quoted as saying “people with ADHD do not choose to behave destructively, hyperactively, without reason they are hardwired to this”. ![]() This quote sums up the future for couples with ADHD in their relationship, as ADHD becomes more understood and more clinical practice becomes acutely aware of the impact of adult ADHD on lifestyle and outcomes, there is hope. But first let us explore some ADHD basics that have relevance to the relationship context. In this T3 paper we will explore the impact of ADHD on relationships and offer some coping strategies that we hope can make your life easier, more productive and happier. The couple, as defined, is perhaps now a ‘triumvirate’, and this is important. Interestingly, it could be said that if a couple have ADHD in their relationship, they are no longer a ‘couple’ as there is a pervasive, tangible third element in that setting that needs care, love and treating with respect. There is hope for couples teetering on the brink of disaster due to the poorly managed impact of adult ADHD on their relationship ADHD & Relationships The ADHD relationship hamster wheel: Forever revolving and forever evolving
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